I know, I know.  I’m not exactly short.  Susan once told me that we’re kind of like twins…who were born years apart.  When she left the womb, she made off with all the curly hair, while I took all the tall.  I’m 5′10″  (for the record, Joe is 5′11″, therefore meeting my height requirement), and I wanted to kill a lot of tall people last night.

More after the jump.

Ok, so we all know the constant that people are assholes, and people in groups are huge assholes.  So, when you get a group of assholes together, only the tall people can see what’s going on.  However, I’m going to start at the beginning.

First things first, we met Mr. Inappropriate (my name for him) while trying to find a spot where we would be able to see the stage.  I don’t remember a thing he said, I just remember that I found it hillarious.  It was something like asking a girl next to him “Would you rather die horribly in a train wreck, or buy a Hello Kitty™ wallet?”  I don’t remember, nor do I particularly care, but within 30 seconds of asking the question, he was showing his nipples off, earning his nickname from me.

So, very soon after that, we move.  Far, far away.  We find a spot where we can see SOME of the stage.  Ok, bonus.  It’s the middle, which means I’ll be able to see Pat.  Again, bonus.  Well, not so much, because then, Captain Animated came along with his buddy Mr. I’ve-had-way-too-much-to-drink-already-and-my-wife’s-on-her-way-and-I-hope-she-doesn’t-notice-me-macking-on-the-ugly-chick-on-the-bench.  Sorry, I couldn’t come up with anything shorter.  Well, I did, but, I call at least 20 people “douchebag”, so I thought originality would be key.  Anyway, they were both well over 6 feet tall.  Then we have EVERY TALL PERSON IN DETROIT that decided they needed to be in front.

I so wanted a pea shooter.  Srsly.  Every asshole there was in shorts.  It would have been perfect.  Alas, I don’t even own a peashooter, and I don’t think Joe would have let me dismantle his pens.

Then, we had this couple hop in front of us…he was short.  She was tall.  He was obviously in like with her, she was highly indifferent.  Like, when Pat played “We Belong” (Hello, love song!!), and he tried to get close, she just kind of slid away.  Ooh, ouch!  We felt bad.  Joe commented “Wow, a lot of the couples here tonight are jaded!” as we went along with our PDA’s.  Yes, we’re that couple, get over it.  We’re the couple that make out in a crowd.  If he were a nervous minute-man, I’d have made him jizz his pants with the way I was dancing last night.  So, there.

ANYWAY.  Back to the beginning.

Assholes.  Tall.  Yeah.

There should be a concert rule.  If the heads of those behind you reach no higher than your shoulder, you need to get the fuck back.  That’s it, the end.